


All Is for My Lord

by starcrossedlovers



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Affection, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-11 08:25:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17443388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starcrossedlovers/pseuds/starcrossedlovers
Summary: This is what it means to be loved... when someone is willing to hear everything that goes through your mind, all that weighs down your heart.





	All Is for My Lord

Sebastian walked down the hallway, finishing some minor tasks as the moon was approaching, when he suddenly heard an unusual sound. It was a whimper, not very loud per se, but still making the man stop in his tracks, turning his sharp gaze to the direction it came from: Ciel’s bedroom. Something wasn’t right. Things hadn’t been right for a long time now with the sibling of his young master returning from the dead. There hadn’t been the time to take a break from their turbulent lifestyle, to sleep in peace for at least one second. Sebastian’s body was always tense as though waiting to fight a darkness that might suddenly engulf Ciel. Quiet footsteps made their way to the bedroom of the master, wary of the different tension in the air. The Faustian contract was burning by now, scorching hot against cool skin. He knocked once, twice. A noncommittal noise made itself known on the other side of the door. And so, Sebastian opened the door.

Cold and dark, not a breath to be heard. He immediately knew that Ciel must have been aware that he accidentally attracted his butler’s attention and decided to act like everything was fine, instead of continuing to do whatever he was doing that resulted in that eerie sob.

“Young master, is everything alright?” he asked, approaching the bed the young boy was lying on.

“Leave, Sebastian,” Ciel choked out. He distressedly wrapped himself in his blanket, hiding his face from the butler.

Sebastian raised his eyebrows at the words, wondering if he should comply and go or stay and actually push the issue. He suddenly remembered the advice of Prince Soma’s servant and reconsidered his usual behaviour. Even Sebastian, as slow as he sometimes was, noticed that Ciel wasn’t behaving like himself lately. It was time for the butler to help Ciel with whatever was going on inside him, for the boy had been by himself for too long, and Sebastian was committed to push Ciel to admit whatever was making him distraught. The man had never been more aware than he was now of the utter impossibility of seeing into his master’s thoughts. He lay in front of him, but his soul was somewhere else. Sebastian settled next to Ciel, breathing out a long, measured sigh in an attempt to settle his nerves, and swiftly removed the cover the boy was wrapped in.

When Sebastian took a good look into his eyes, he finally understood.

The boy was terribly, terribly heartbroken. Heartbroken about the sudden turn of events. Heartbroken about the betrayal he was experiencing at this very moment. Heartbroken about absolutely everyone and everything. No matter how hard the young lord tried to conceal it, Sebastian could still see the distress that was written all over his face.

“Bocchan, tell me what is wrong. Let me help you,” he offered, hand reaching forward to grip his master’s shoulder in a comforting manner, “say what you need to say.”

“I… I am…” the boy choked out, not sure what to really say. He looked at Sebastian for a few seconds, small hands stiffening on his knees, and suddenly let his head fall down only to feel a tiny tear running down his cheek. Before Ciel really knew it, more tears—delicate, precious pearls—were flooding out in a ceaseless stream of pain, sorrow and, most of all, suffering. His body was absolutely independent of his mind. Hiccuping sobs left the boy’s lips again and again, and he started weeping like a child, bottom lip quivering.

“Oh,” Sebastian got out, shocked at the sudden change of character in Ciel. “Oh.” He pulled the boy into his arms and settled him onto his lap.

“How did this happen?” Ciel whimpered, struggling for breath between his words. “I just wanted…  I… I wanted to be happy… and now everything is gone and I… I… I don’t know how to get it back.” The boy’s vision went hazy due to the tears, vivid intense colours and light were all that entered his gaze—almost as if in a dream.

“Shh, I’m with you. I’m not going anywhere,” Sebastian soothingly hummed. He wanted to comfort him. He was alright with soothing Ciel’s distress for eternity if it meant that he would never hear these sobs again, he felt. “Shh,” he hushed.

Enveloped in the twilight coming from the window, Sebastian held the boy in his arms, rocking him back and forth, pulling him even closer to his chest. Somewhere, at the back of his mind, Sebastian felt that Ciel wasn’t crying over one single disappointment, but rather for many, for hundreds, even thousands, of losses and failures in his life that he never managed to process.

“I always make you so angry,” Ciel broke down, little body shaking with sobs,. “I always act like I don’t need you. But I… I would have already been dead… if you hadn’t saved me back then and I don’t want to make you mad I just want you to… I want you to…” he whimpered, swallowing down the rest of the sentence.

Sebastian whispered comfortingly in his ear. “Shh, I’m here, I’m here, I forgive you. There, there.” He stroked the boy’s back, tracing gentle patterns on it.

Ciel’s breathing gradually slowed down, and Sebastian’s hand reached down to wipe away the remaining tears that had settled on the boy’s wet cheeks.

It was so much easier to be gentle with Ciel when he was this distraught, so confused and absolutely lost. He completely forgot his often ill-mannered behaviour at times like this, showing a side of himself he usually carefully hid inside himself. The boy was then willing to listen to what Sebastian had to say, and thus, it was possible to console him and lighten his burden.

“It’s fine. We’re going to find a solution. It’s never too late. Now, calm down for me,” Sebastian comforted him, “in the worst case, we’ll just run away and start a new life somewhere abroad.”

Whenever Ciel felt dead worn out like this, he often thought that he would like to do exactly that. It was shocking to hear Sebastian say the words he had so often told himself as some soft of comfort, but it helped him calm down, and he breathed in and out, gripping a handful of the firm material of Sebastian’s suit. The boy stared up at him, looking fragile and demure. 

“Hush,” Sebastian said, observing the boy’s face. He looked stressed, but his eyes betrayed vulnerable tenderness. His white cheeks were even paler than usual. The boy desperately needed something to cling to. Sebastian seemed pleased to oblige, tightening his grip on the frail body of Ciel. 

“Sleep, sleep now. It’s going to be better soon. I’ll make sure of it,” he gently said, softly putting his fingers on Ciel’s eyelids, and thus closing them.

A brief moment before, Ciel felt troubled to the point of drowning in sorrow. Now he felt safe and sound with the butler by his side. _If Sebastian is with me, I need nothing else_ , Ciel’s mind suddenly concluded. The thought made him feel somehow at peace. Quietly, he finally dozed off.

Sebastian breathed a sigh of relief. Rest, for the first time in a long time, was peaceful. Ciel stayed asleep in Sebastian’s hold after the butler had finished comforting him, something he desperately needed. The man’s arms were around him, blocking out the moonlight, ensuring that the boy stayed calm. Sebastian kept him close to his chest, reaching for the child’s head, petting him softly.

Suddenly, a sigh left Ciel’s mouth, Sebastian worried he had woken him, but the boy only snuggled up closer against his chest, sleeping even deeper now.

Sebastian’s lips curled into a warm smile, and he pressed a kiss to Ciel’s nose.

As they lay together like this in peaceful silence, small head against Sebastian's chest, body warm and still against him, the butler's master seemed so incredibly petite and fragile. Sebastian put his hand over the boy's chest, listening to the heartbeat that made itself known in a slow pace.

 

A few hours ago Ciel was the one that felt deeply moved, but Sebastian was now moved in his own special way.

Moved with the desire to protect the boy.

Moved with the need to be next to him.

Moved with indulgent affection, deep possessiveness, only for Ciel to take.

 _Maybe, over time, feelings like these would lead to love_ , he thought.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Please consider leaving kudos or a comment!


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